


and you alone

by moon_moth



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Feelings, Gen, I Tried, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 19:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12019149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moon_moth/pseuds/moon_moth
Summary: It's late, and Odo's had a bit to drink, and he needs to get something off his chest.





	and you alone

**Author's Note:**

> Just a wee thing that takes place sometime between The Ascent and The Begotten, while Odo is still a solid.

'You've got something on your mind,' that's what Garak had said. So smoothly, so _knowingly._ Had _he_ known, somehow, that Odo was going to head for Quark's quarters instead of his own? And if he had, how? _Odo_ certainly hadn't known it, but here he was, striding purposefully toward the little troublemaker's door, as naturally as if he were heading for the bar on his daily rounds. He'd been _thinking_ about Quark, of course, but he couldn't remember making any conscious decision to go and see him. Perhaps it was just as well. He knew these thoughts wouldn't leave him alone. So he stopped on Quark's doorstep, and placed his hand on the access panel. He knew Quark would have heard the chirp but did it again. And a third time. 

"Al _right,_ I'm coming!" came the cranky, muffled voice from inside. 

A moment later, the door opened. 

"Odo?! What are you doing here?" 

Odo looked Quark over, and realized he was wearing pajamas. Was it that late? That explained why the halls of the habitat ring were so uncharacteristically deserted. He'd hardly passed anyone on his way here. 

"... You were asleep," he observed, with a hint of guilt. 

"That's right. I _do_ sleep occasionally. What do you want?" 

"Just... to talk." 

Quark gave him a hard stare. 

"You want to talk." 

"Yes," he said, nodding his head once. 

"In the middle of the night." 

"Yes," he said, nodding harder. 

"About what?" 

"... Things," he said, suddenly defensive for no reason he could readily identify. Quark's eyes narrowed suspiciously. 

"Wait a minute. Odo... are you drunk?" 

"A bit, yes," he answered matter-of-factly. 

Quark looked deeply insulted. 

"... You're _actually_ drunk, for the _first time_ , and it's not inside my bar?? I can't believe this!" 

"I didn't _intend_ to get drunk-" 

"Who got you drunk before me?!" he snapped. 

"I was having a late dinner with Garak-" 

"Don't _tell_ me you were drinking _kanar?"_

"Certainly _not,_ now that I have a functioning olfactory sense it smells _vile._ I was drinking-" 

"What were you doing having dinner with Garak?" 

"Will you _let me_ finish a _sentence?!"_ Odo shouted, startling himself with his own volume level. The few people in the hallway jumped or turned, but Quark himself was largely unfazed (though he _had_ stopped interrupting). When Odo continued, he ended up overcompensating for the yell by lowering his voice to barely above a murmur. _"First of all_ it is none of your _business_ what I was doing having dinner with Garak. Second, I was consuming food as nutrition, which should be relatively _obvious."_

"I can't believe you let Garak get you drunk before me," said Quark in a nagging, overblown indignant tone that nonetheless sounded the slightest bit genuinely hurt. 

"Are you going to invite me in or are we going to have this conversation standing in the corridor?" 

"You're the one standing in the corridor. I'm standing in my quarters." 

Odo glowered until Quark let out a sharp sigh. 

"Fine," he said, "come in." 

Quark turned on his heel and marched into his living area without looking back. Odo followed him, trying not to let the sight of Quark's ridiculous pajamas ruin his scowl. But then, Quark sat down, and looked at him, and in a tired, annoyed voice, asked him- 

"So? What was this 'conversation' we were having?" 

which _did_ ruin his scowl. His expression and demeanor changed so rapidly that it took Quark quite offguard. He hoped he didn't look as meek and ridiculous as he suddenly felt, remembering why he'd come here in the first place. 

"... Odo?" 

"Yes?" 

Quark gave him a very curious, cautious stare. 

"... You can sit down," he said finally. 

Odo sank down into a chair without a word. It was silent. He realized it was his turn to speak. 

"I wanted to tell you something." 

"Okay." 

It was silent again. Quark continued. 

"... what did you want to tell me?" 

Why was this so difficult to say out loud? He'd been thinking it over and over, all night, so obsessively that he'd seen little choice for him other than to come and tell it to Quark, so that he'd have some little semblance of peace, and perhaps be able to get to sleep. But the words wouldn't come. So he just sat there, more and more visibly frustrated, avoiding Quark's eyes (which seemed to be getting bigger with each passing second). Finally, he cleared his throat. He'd imitated this noise a few times as a Changeling, but understood it on a whole new level now that he was a solid. 

He took a breath. Opened his mouth. And changed his mind. 

"This was a bad idea," he said, standing up too quickly. He lurched toward the door, feeling horrendously self-conscious and also vaguely nauseous. 

"Wait, wait, wait! Wait," said Quark, hopping up and appearing in front of him out of virtually nowhere, all open hands and wide eyes. 

"I really shouldn't have come here-" 

"No, it's fine! Listen-" 

"I'm sorry to bother you," he said in a voice that tried to be gruff and businesslike but ended up uneven and obviously upset. 

He tried to dodge, but somehow Quark remained in front of him. 

"Odo, wait! Listen. You obviously have something you want to get off your chest. Why don't you just sit down, and take a breath, and try again? Okay?" 

He was using that rare soft, sincere, reasonable tone of voice that never failed to disarm the person listening. Odo hated him for it. He sat down, took a breath, and tried again. Quark watched him closely before returning to the seat across from him. 

"I feel ridiculous." 

"You're supposed to feel a little ridiculous when you're drunk, that's normal." 

That actually made a lot of sense, though he hated admitting to himself that it made him feel better. He nodded. 

"... I'm not sure where to begin." 

"It's just me, Odo." 

They stared at each other for a moment, then Odo made his second attempt. Where to begin? At the beginning, he supposed. 

"I've always been an outsider. I've always _known_ I'm an outsider. From the moment I became aware of my surroundings I knew I was somewhere I didn't belong, and all my experiences afterward confirmed it. Even now, as a solid, I can't quite manage to fit in. There are so many concepts I still don't fully understand, so many experiences I can't relate to." 

"Well... I appreciate your confiding in me, Odo, but... I've got to tell you, that's not exactly news." 

"That's not what I-! I'm not _finished,"_ he said irritably. 

"Okay! Okay. Take your time." 

There it was again, the mild, fluttery nausea. He wasn't going to be sick (he steadfastly refused), but it was still a nuisance. He could feel it, this next part was going to be even harder. The whole thing, he realized suddenly, was only going to get more difficult to say aloud. It was either say it now, or get up and leave. Both options left him feeling foolish, so he chose the one that made him feel less so. Though he had to wonder if he wouldn't have changed his mind about that by the time he'd metabolized the alcohol. 

"One of the things that puzzled me was how often people talk about 'destiny' and 'soul mates' and how 'the Prophets brought them together to walk the same path,' and all that. People use all sorts of different words and phrases to describe it, running the gamut from vaguely mystical to overtly religious, but it always seemed to me that they're all talking about the same thing. Though, for the life of me, I could never understand what they meant. One day I asked the Major about it. She said she'd felt it in the Resistance. She said it was very rare, that it happened only a few times in one's life, if at all, and described it as an overwhelming certainty that you were _meant_ to be in a particular place, at a particular moment, with a particular person or people. That it's a connection that was always there, and never goes away. So, I just chalked that up as another humanoid thing I'd never experience, and left it at that. But I never forgot the way she talked about it. And..." 

Odo felt himself hesitating again, and _shoved_ the words out of his mouth without a second thought to weigh them down. 

"It took me a long time to realize, though I'm not sure why, that I _have_ felt that way. I _have_ experienced that... whatever it is. Frankly I find it rather disturbing that there's no definitive explanation for the phenomenon. But the fact remains... that there have been _many times _that I've felt, without a doubt, that I was _exactly_ where I was meant to be. I feel it so strongly that it's become something I rely on, in a way. It makes _sense_ of my life, even if I can't figure out why. Perhaps that's why I never talk about it; that _mysterious_ aspect of it galls me, and comples me at the same time. It's almost _maddening,_ but I need it. And I don't mind saying that I _hate_ needing it," Odo suddenly exploded. "I hate _admitting_ I need it! I hate _wanting it._ I hope you're _happy,_ Quark!" __

__He finished with an accusing stare over crossed arms, as Quark sat there across from him, in his pajamas, with his hands in his lap, looking utterly bewildered._ _

__"O...kay. I'm a little confused here. _Why_ is this my fault?" _ _

__"Because it's _you!"_ he shouted, springing up with a pointing finger that ended up jabbed into Quark's chest as he overshot and stumbled forwards, gripping the back of the couch to steady himself. Quark's blue eyes were open _very_ wide, and he seemed frozen in place. Completely still, as if he weren't even breathing. As if his heart had stopped. Though, oddly, he didn't look startled. Oh, startled maybe, but not... intimidated. Not cowering. He saw he had ended up much closer to the small man's face than he'd intended, and all at once he ran out of fury. _ _

__"It's always been you," he continued, barely even managing to sound grumpy as he slipped away and landed, thankfully, in his seat again. "You, in the bar, you on the promenade, you, even on that frozen, barren mountainside. Even then, I felt it! How idiotic," he muttered bitterly, staring through a spot on the floor at absolutely nothing. Now that he'd begun speaking, he had to finish. "... But I keep thinking that if it's true, if I _am_ meant to be... _on this path_... then that means I _do_ belong here. I think of that a lot, actually. It's peculiar. And even if I've _recognized_ the feeling I still don't _understand_ it. There's the Link, but that's... different. That's where I _came from. _I'd always wondered where I came from, but until I actually _found out,_ it never occurred to me that I would feel like I belonged there. Looking back at my life, I'm forced to realize I never even felt like I _could_ belong somewhere until after I met you." ___ _

__It was very quiet then. Odo sat lost in thought, not noticing how many minutes passed by in silence. Eventually, Quark spoke._ _

__"And..." he heard a little flat swallowing noise, "you say it's always me?"_ _

__Odo nodded without looking up._ _

__"Yes."_ _

__"You've never felt this with Kira?"_ _

__"I don't think so."_ _

__"Or that female Founder?"_ _

__"No, that feeling is completely different. I'm not even sure it's a _good_ one." _ _

__"... Or Garak?"_ _

__Odo's face contorted._ _

___"No,"_ he scoffed, as if it were the stupidest question he'd ever heard. When he finally looked up at Quark, he saw a very unusual expression. His voice softened a bit. "Only you." _ _

__He was trying to be gentle, for some reason, but that seemed to make it worse. For a second it almost looked like Quark was going to start _crying._ He got ahold of himself, but he still looked shaken, and sat there with a hand on his chest. Odo wondered if he'd jabbed him too hard. _ _

__"... Are you alright? Have I said something wrong?"_ _

__"No! Not at all," said Quark hurriedly, shaking his head. "I'm fine."_ _

__"Good."_ _

__"And that was, uh, that was all you wanted to say to me?"_ _

__Odo nodded._ _

__"Yes. You're right, I did need to get it off my chest."_ _

__"So you feel better now?"_ _

__"Yes, I do."_ _

__Quark took a breath._ _

__"Good."_ _

__"I should let you get back to sleep," said Odo._ _

__"Oh... right."_ _

__This time, instead of getting up too fast, Odo stood up slowly, gripping the arm of the chair. He suddenly felt very tired. Quark got up and walked him to the door._ _

__"I'm sorry again for waking you."_ _

__"I don't mind," Quark said softly._ _

__All too soon they were standing on opposite sides of the doorway._ _

__"Goodnight, Quark."_ _

__"Goodnight Odo."_ _

__Neither of them moved._ _

__"Odo?"_ _

__"Yes?"_ _

__"... I forgive you," he said, sounding as if he'd been about to say something else and then had changed his mind at the last second. He did that a lot, now that Odo thought about it. How irritating._ _

__"For what?"_ _

__"For letting Garak get you drunk for the first time."_ _

__"Oh." He hadn't asked for Quark's forgiveness, but found he was glad to have it anyway. "Thank you. I didn't do it to insult you, you know. I _really_ had no intention of getting-" _ _

__"Odo," he interrupted one last time, placing a hand on his upper arm, "it's _really_ okay." _ _

__He watched Quark's hand as it slid down his arm; it had seemed for a splitsecond like Quark was about to grab _his _hand. Without thinking of it, Odo reached out and did it himself. He heard Quark exhale loudly and looked up, then let go slowly.___ _

___"I'll see you tomorrow."_ _ _

___"Uh-huh."_ _ _

___He took a step back._ _ _

___"Goodnight," he said._ _ _

___"Goodnight."_ _ _

___A moment, and then the door closed. He turned to go, but paused, then turned around again so fast he nearly fell onto the door panel, which seemed to chirp ten times louder than usual. The door opened again instantly, as if Quark hadn't moved._ _ _

___"Quark?"_ _ _

___"Yes?"_ _ _

___"I don't really hate it."_ _ _

___Quark stared at him for a moment._ _ _

___"Neither do I," he replied._ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> [slams fist on table repeatedly] THEY'RE IN LOVE! THEY'RE IN LOVE! THEY'RE IN LOVE!
> 
> so yeah. first Quodo thing. had an idea in the dead of night and banged it out before i could second guess myself.


End file.
